Evolution of M

The bloody 'mou han' ended up in a bloody 'M' . Some finger-pointing, shouting, screaming, hair-tearing & a shed of tear knocked some sense into me to settle for just a 'M' .

Few days later I begin to realize. M is good. M won't invoke questions that will leave me go errr....ummm... M is universal. M is simple but catchy. M won't deter that cute photographer from asking me out for dinners >:)

Michelle is already planning an inscription:
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, eventhough its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by ...
on the back of her neck

Played Out

i am always played. people out there just want to hurt my feelings. why? is this some bad karma from my past life? or those suckers out there just get a freggin kick seeing me hurt with tears rolling down? when i'm hurt, memories of 8th May start flooding back. i sit at the corner of my bed reminiscing that phone call he made. he told me, "i feel i can live alone now. i don't need anyone..."
i said goodbye and ended the call. i sat there with my head slumped to the wall, tears rolling down non-stop for many months. Various images flashed through my head; i felt like running away, i felt like slitting my wrist, i felt like drinking detergent, i felt like calling him back, i felt like going back in time wishing that call was never made. i remembered at that same moment, one of my primary mates called. bad timing. i wailed, yelled and scared the shit out of him. he could only console me by saying, "there're plenty of bastards out there. this bastard is not worthy"

why are there so many bastards in my life? jeez!
stupid Muthar Farker just have to shout, twist and twirl the story to make me look i am in the wrong. WTF?

and still i allow myself to be fooled by sweet charming words. i swallow my pride. i cry, wail for 10 mins. i wipe my tears, pretend nothing happen. i put on my cheerful smile and hope yet again a fairytale life awaits me.

isn't that what all girls dream of?

Michelle hates that bastard and loves that bastard at the same time

Thanks for ruining dinner, you arsehole !

Why do you have to raise your voice at me? You think u're so high up and mighty? Dad has stopped doing that since I was 12. What gives you the fucking right to do so? Would you even dare to raise your voice at Gerri?! I bet my head you wont! And the each time you deny, "I where got raise my voice at you? why are you so sensitive? i am 200% sure i DID NOT raise my voice"

ok fine fine. i have super hearing then! everything you say is amplified by 1000 decibels!

What did I do to deserve this? Fuck you .

Michelle is pointing her middle finger !

Good evening Sir, you wanto buy?

I had an interesting conversation over lunch today. About how guys are suckers for tall, skinny, fair-skinned, long hair girls. Working in an industry that employs hundreds of girls to promote our sales, boys in the promotions-department are having a ball! One of them even gloat, oh i fark her, and her, and that one, and this one. oooh... the last one's wild. then there's left that one, and that one, and that one, and the entire saturday shift.

Eww. Have you spoken to any of the girls lately?

So how long have you been in this line?
Umm... i works for 3 months already. Meets many of customers. hehe. I sell very good.
Okay. why do you think you deserve this job?
Umm... i don't know. heheh. i can talk bahasa. my bahasa not bad.
...

Doesn't that just turn you off already? But no. Constructing proper sentences isn't in the list-of-must-haves. Boys' (no surprise) list-of-must-haves only contain:

1. long legs
2. hole
3. *fake eyelashes optional

Michelle says, be it any hole, men is a happy man.

Urgent Disclaimer

i found out something surprising. someone reads this shit as well. for i thought it was just me and occasionally Aud, after she could no longer stand my annoying reminders: 'Go Read my Post!'
Now that i found you out, Yes YOU, theres a certain disclaimer i want you to be aware of.

*the posts here are by no means any indications, reflections, projections of who i am in flesh. as a matter of fact, i'm quite the opposite. this is my alter-ego. i pretend to be someone not me, someone not bounded by traditional values, someone not restricted by society's perception, someone who give no farks about what my cousin's brother's auntie's sister-in-law's auntie think of my body art. i derive pleasure from escaping conformity.

in flesh, i am sweet and politely-mannered like how all mommies want their daughters to be.

Michelle is in the opinion that the uninformed should not read further. it will give you nightmares...

Somebody call 911

i don't know what's wrong with me. lately i've been feeling very frustrated. like all this pent-up restlessness and stress trapped in a balloon underwater, ready to blow up (funny it seem, i got that analogy from my PADI manual). i tried many ways to take my mind off it:

• go watch a angels & demons
• OD on killkenny
• finish all levels in Supermarket Mania
• started Cake Mania
• puffed enough boxes of Avolution to lost count how many i smoke
• shower my love & attention to a smelly schnauzer
• sleep 13hours straight
• waste $$ at borneo ink
• watched nip/tuck at a lesbians club
• .............

i'm still looking for something that works. damn.

not helping, the Divemaster together with his bunch of snobbish Advanced OWD keep criticizing my dive inadequacy and now he disses my fashion sense too? wtf?

Mou Han

Self-inflict pain with the above. Need. to. distract. myself. away from the boredom at work & routine of life. ETA 27 June 09

it's gonna be bloody...

Boyfriend Application Form

PERSONAL INFORMATION:

Name:
Age:
Location:
Height:
Hairstyle:
Eyes:
Piercings/tattoos:


What Would You do if...

1. I pissed you off:
2. I touched your ass:
3. I dropped your Nikon D80:
4. I got in a fight and you were there:
5. I cried:

What Do You Think Of My...

1. Clothes:
2. Voice:
3. Humor:
4. Choice of music:
5. Manners:

OTHER:

1. Do you like the beach? if so, why
2. Would you watch the movie that i picked even if you didnt want to?
3. If we're not watching movie, what would we be doing?
4. Would you give me kisses just because?
5. How would you rate your hugs from 1-10?

Would You...

1. Lie to make me feel better:
2. Talk to your friends about me:
3. Make a snack for me at 2 am:
4. Keep a secret if I told you one:
5. Love me unconditionally:

Position will be more favorable to Daniel Henney, Donnie Yen, Josh Hartnett or McSteamy. Only shortlisted candidates will be notified-
Reproduced from missy denise, D to da T

Best Things in Life

Some kid named Hilary won an essay competition for penning an article on the matter above. I wonder what would a 17-yr old kid regard as what's best? Not that a 20-something girl would know what is best either...
I tell myself the best things are the ones that make you happy on the inside. No money spent, no effort made:

1. waking up in DM's arms and then kick him for snoring
2. finding a pack of Thai fried rice on the table after a horrible long night or should i say wee morning at work
3. bro helping me to do the dishes
4. when some Marketing big-shot actually say 'thank u' for the nights I spent designing that damn box
5. a big bowl of ais kacang with unlimited peanuts! (okay, some money needed here...

*due credit given to ipohwav3 for image

Michelle is sleepy from a dark, gloomy Monday--

the problem with EX-es

I don't get this. Why do all my ex-bfs stay in touch with their other ex-gfs and my this one particular ex-bf avoids me like plague? There are numerous occasions where i go; "ah, whose that?" "Oh, my ex gf. We're still friends" "(what the hell........ :-S)"

ok. fine. whatever. ex gf. at least now, I AM with the guy right?

Which brings me a thought to ponder. Why doesnt Rod want to keep in touch with me?

• send an email - no reply
• send sms - no reply
• send merry Xmas - got a standard christmas gretting text reply
• send happy birthday - no reply

Shouldn't it be we female species are the type who 'hold grunges forever' kind? We species are the type who 'you never existed in my life' kind? We species are the type who 'don't ever come find me again' kind?

***********************************************************

i was in love once. A boy who rides a vulcan kawasaki. That mean machine we usually cruise on the highway at 220km/h. What a thrill it was. Seeing all the kapchais & wiras lagging sorely behind. And he use to buy me rotiboy whenever i was on one of my 'merajuk' mood swings.

i guess it doesn't matter.

The void in me will always be there. Would it be better if we were still friends? I don't know.

i have been afraid all this while. Yet i hope someday i will be able to fall in love again. A forwarded mail once said; it takes only a second to fall in love. yeah, how hard can that be?


For the record, Michelle hasn't eaten rotiboy since 2006. She's thinks she's going to bug her hottie divemaster.

somethings are meant not to be seen

Someone saw you with another woman. Skinny, tanned, long hair, petite one. I didn't want to believe. No, never would I believe.
Until, I saw. With my eyes I saw you with her. Laughing gayly without a worry in the world.

I knew this was coming. Sooner or later. To hold another woman in your arms. To have another woman breathe into your ears. To cuddle another woman in your embrace.

Why did we end up like this? Why did we changed?

I am blank.

I don't believe.

The Smiling Man from the Lift

He was very quiet when he came. Who could blame him anyway? All the way from Argentina he came, to a land he knows no one. We seldom talked, partly I was arrogant and he... he was just shy. All I did was smile. And he smiled back.

I met him at the lift once by surprise. It was already 7.40pm.

• "Why so late?" I asked.
• "Its normal" he said flashing a big smile.

That smile. That cute, boyish smile that touched my heart.
We continued talking even for that mere 3 minutes before reaching the Basement. He told me about where he's living, his wife, his kids....

Two weeks later, I hear tragic news.

*********************************************************

I regret I never smiled more.
I regret I never stopped to say Good Morning when I come to work.
I regret I never said How are you doing when I bumped into him at the pantry.
I regret I never talked to him longer in the lift.


Today, when I walk past his empty cubicle, tears start to well up...

-Michelle reminds herself to stop and tell the people around her; she loves them -

I came, I saw and I hunted

My first ever treasure hunt - Philip Morris Return to Treasure Island, 2008 at Tioman Island.

Even though we didn't win, (should have expected it when we were up against veteran treasure-hunters!), we did have plenty of wholesome fun! Tired, bruised, hungry - we did make it to the checkpoint in Tg. Gemuk on time. (We were among the last five to arrive, actually. (lol!))

Gotta give my thumbs up to the PMM comittee for organizing such a fab event, especially the after hunt event- dinner cum party at the Berjaya Tioman's own Bali Hai Restaurant. To actually see my serious, no-frills colleagues, letting their hair down dancing the night away with free flow of booze was indeed a welcoming sight. (These people can actually partay)
And you know what the best part was? Moi won a Ducati cap in a "who has the longest cucumber" game! Aye!
(Me and Woman was pulled on stage unexpectedly by Trutz... "Ladies, come on, be a sport. Join me..." Can you say no to the marketing MD?)

-Michelle is proud of her sexy tan after lazing on the beach for the whole of Saturday-

7th May '08

• I see the beginning signs of flu.
• My handphone is awfully quiet.
• I have a terrible headache.
• I'm going treasure-hunting on Friday.

-Gawd damn. Michelle feels miserable-

Building Bridges

-Michelle reminisces about little Sofia-

Rage is never a Reason

• out of control
• a servant
• a puppy dog
• no education

What will you get if you combined all the above?
Have you ever stop and think what impact will it bring; even it’s just mere words? To shout, scream and point accusingly like a crazy man; have you no respect for her?

1. To call her someone with no education – when she graduated with 2nd upper Hons. degree.
2. Think of that someone on the streets loafing, high on drugs, whoring – that at least you have a chance to call no education!
3. To call her a servant and puppy dog – when all she did was on her own free-will
4. To say she is out of control – when all she did was doing something she is HAPPY doing
5. To be afraid of what the relatives say – when the relatives did not even contribute to her growing up. And her own cousin dropped out of Uni because she was pregnant! And you’re afraid of relatives’talk?
6. To ask her what is the meaning of DIGNITY – when she has a band 4 in MUET and has always aced A1 in English?
7. To say she has abandoned you – when girls of her age are either married or pregnant
8. To say she has no respect – when she has never once raise her voice nor be rude nor be sarcastic and has obediently paid her expenses?

Life is too short to think about what people would say. Just as long as you’re happy and you’re not breaking the law, don’t stop doing what you like doing – this is what she believes. Stop and look at the bigger picture – realize what she has grown up to be. Realize what she has achieved, what she has learnt.

To accuse her, to blame her, to raise your voice at her – that is just too much for her to swallow. You've gone too far.

Celebrity Sightings

I am often starstrucked by the slightest appearance of celebrities - yes, even local celebrities. They have a term for people like me; ja kun ;)

By far, those sighted include:

1. David Beckham at Stadium ..... (damn, I can't remember!) for some Castrol event
   
2. Soong Ai Ling at Nirvanas, Bangsar


3. Asha Gill at Bangsar post office


4. Nur Fazura at The Street, Curve


5. Sazzy Falak at MidValley


6. Pietro at Curve


7. Denise Keller at Sg Wang plaza
   

And just yesterday, my latest sighting - Amy Mastura at Nirvanas, Bangsar. I was sitting at the same table with her, her hubby, 2 kids and a maid having banana leaf rice together. Ashamed to say, I went "OMG, OMG, OMG, I'm having banana leaf with Amy!" under my breath.

-Michelle agrees that Amy looks as sweet as peach even in-real-life-

Amazing KL

You don't have to go far to get magnificent views. A scene taken from KLCC on 1st April during the horrible rainstorm that struck.

-Michelle was stuck in a 2hr jam to get back home from Pusat Bandar Damansara-

BIG-hearted people

“Recently, the group organised its 102nd fundraiser at Guinness Anchor Breweries, which was attended by about 250 people who donated generously to 15-year-old Premeena Balakrishnan who lost her kidneys three years ago.
A sum of RM12,000 was raised for Premeena on that evening amid music and a buffet dinner.” (1 April 2008, NST)

Drink booze all you want and get to help a kid. Cool?
(The kind folks at the recent fund raising event)

-Michelle is proud of her bulat-

Little Sofia

I am not your average, run-of-the-mill woman that you'd see at Carrefour. Women of that kind have a same common purpose - to breed and continue the bloodline. To unleash their motherly instincts that has long been sown in them.
I dislike kids. I can't bring myself to do baby talk when I see small kids. I can't go, "Oh, so nice. Cleeever boy" when all that brat did was scribbled a wiggle. I don't understand the joy of having a kid who is loud, obnoxious, naughty and talks back. I still don't.

Not till last Thursday. I joined some kind strangers from PMI to visit an orphanage in Chow Kit road; Rumah Nur Salam. This home is partly sponsored by PMI and it shelters abandoned kids of sex-workers (Chow Kit road? how appropriate).
The moment I got there, I was greeted by young boys and girls, rushing to give me salam. I was surprised by their lack of shyness knowing that they are seeing me for the first time. There they come, queuing, touching my hand gently against their forehead. (My first aaw-moment)
Everyone there was very obedient and well mannered unlike those rascals you see at Mid Valley. Spoiled by their ignorant rich parents I'd say. Kid from this home has no parents and some not even schooled. And yet, they know their Ps & Qs.
Then there was little Sofia. I don't know why, but this little girl was fondly attached to me. I didn't do anything but yet she just came to me. She came, held on to my hand and pulled me wherever she went.
"Kakak, nak main" (pointing to the snakes + ladders)
"Kak, makan sama-sama"
"Saya dah abis lukis, kakak"
(My second aaw-moment) We had so much fun together that , shit, I was actually going to cry when it was time for me to go.

Sofia might have forgotten about me by now. And she may never know that I wrote this for her; but Sofia, I wish you happiness and joy always. She is still too young to understand the hardships she is going to face but I wish you strength, Sofia.
Till I see you again in 3 months time.

No child deserves to be abandoned. Every child deserves to be brought up with love, care and attention. Do the right thing - use a condom.

-Michelle still prefers having a German Shepherd to keep her company. At least, she won't talk back-