Dear Sender,
Currently I am being fucked by all my supervisors for the crash of a test platform that I have not even been handling ever. I will be out of office and will be entrapped between piles of testers in the production floor enduring my constants phones calls from Darth Vader and Darth Maul.
I will attend to your mails once the sore surrounding my arse reduces and I am able sit back down on my office chair.
Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.
(If you reach up to this stage in your auto reply mails, you'll know you're going up)
(Next PMT is waiting for you, baby)