25 August 2009

Dad the innocent victim

It's just another ordinary Tuesday night. As I sit in my room.

I'm listening to Bitter Heart on repeat, fully wide-awake.

I'm beginning to feel myself slipping into that same realm of darkness 2 years back. C'mon...
who are you kidding? The divemaster is just messing around. Stop lying to yourself with positive words. Encouraging words, my arse! how long do you want be in denial??

I'm moody and cranky. I snapped at Dad for no reason. My retired, caring father who still loves me like that toothless 7yr old girl. But he never shows it. Yet I know. I guess he will be the only man who will ever love me like his only princess.

But I snapped at him. I vent my anger & frustration at an old man because some stupid, idiotic guy hurt my feelings.

i'm sorry. i didn't mean to...

i'm just... i'm just unhappy. depressed. i don't want to go through it all over again.

do you know what it feels like to be really sad? fucker, you don't know. it's not like watching that sissy Titanic. you will never, ever know what fucking things runs through my head. i know what you're thinking. just another stupid naiive girl who can't get hold of her emotions.

dammit, you're wrong! do u know what it feels like to be really sad?


It's just another ordinary Monday night. As I sit in my room.

A moment ago, I heard the divemaster's voice for 8:06 - after what seem like an eternity of disappearance. Maybe that's why I can't sleep now. At 1248am, I'm listening to Bitter Heart on repeat, fully wide-awake without any nescafe tarik-influence.

He tells me he will be travelling for the next couple of weeks. To dive in faraway islands where there is no cellular reception - where inhabitants dressed in leaves still communicate using pigeons. To traverse the entire country partying cum promoting our new launch. He tells me to hang in there...


I am lying if I say I don't miss him. Who now is going to scream at me, " DO NOT descend with ur arse first!!! How many blardy times you want me to tell you? *grumble grumble....stupid woman...* " Maybe I should get a dog. I can't - Mom hates pets. Maybe I should get a tamagotchi. I can't - Sipadan used up my entire Aug pay. Maybe I should get a boy toy, toy boy. Do you think chai is interested?

Tonight I'll sleep better. Hopefully - i got 8:06, bloody hell, that's better than a lousy sms!

Michelle only wishes that the Divemaster remembers to call when he's away

23 August 2009

LoVe thyself

" when you start to appreciate yourself, when you're able to follow your star, then only will your defenses & fear fall.
by then only you're ready for a man "

Over 21, TheStar, 23 Aug 09

I love myself because I gave myself a full length pedi+mani today. I love myself because I spent an hour lifting weights + skipping rope. I love myself because I pampered myself a warm, fluffy char siew pau. I love myself because I oogled at Ashley Cole's shirtless picture till my saliva formed tasik kenyir.

The divemaster ran away to a faraway island and he doesnt call? Don't matter anymore.

Someone posted a picture of Rod today putting at the driving range. He still looks damn good.

16 August 2009


A stewardess told me, " don't invest anything on a boy. don't put time, don't put hope, don't put feelings. cause the more you invest, the more disappointed you'll be "
that simple yet profound comment opened up my eyes. my heart & my brain. why waste time when the boy clearly hasn't invested anything in you? why waste energy when the boy obviously isn't bothered?

let's keep it at just-friends. friends for benefit. or fuck buddy (if you're wasted enough!) good. let's keep it that way.

women shouldn't give a shit on where he's at, who's he with, when is he coming home, why is he not calling or how many packets have gone missing. because friends won't do all that. friends only care if you're gonna belanja makan or tumpang them. beyond that, the care STOPS.

Girlfriends, take heed. Our hearts deserve much more than heartache & disappointment. Fuck it. Enough is enough.

Michelle is plain tired from it all. She does n0t care whose fucking penang-plate myvi Divemaster is driving