10 November 2009

i'm gonna remember 10 Nov 09

i received news today, someone dear to my best friend has passed away.

i had a crappy day at work. my mat salleh director ignored me. treated as if i was invisible. and to his cheek, without me, he won't get all those good words for our new product launches! bloody arrogant bastard.. i also had the longest, most intense, multiple back stabbing meeting ever.

this couple with that, just broke me down. i cried again. hunched on my bed, in my smelly office wear, i cried out loud as my heart ached in agony. my finger was on speed dial#2. i want to call Divemaster. i want to hear his voice. tell him, i miss you babyyyyyy. i miss you so much. what wrong have i done to make you stop loving me? what in me that drive you to find another woman? i miss you baby. i need you... i need you. can you come back? please...?

i never made that call. i called arun instead. cried to him over the phone, tell him how much i miss Divemaster. tell him how i hate myself when i have such a loving family & friends who care for me but yet i still succumb to the devil - lose my dignity, lose my faith, lose my energy.

Michelle hates herself twice as much - for falling in love with her Divemaster and for not getting back up when she fell

No comments: