02 October 2009

Divemaster is still much Alive

It was a horrible week for me. Many things happened, many things I saw, which one thing lead to another reminded me of many of my Divemaster's moments:

  1. for the 1st time, i felt what's a tremor like. Padang's 7.9 magnitude earthquake shook my 23-storey office. I did what the rest did - shut down laptop, pack up and took the lift down (not according to emergency evacuation rules that is!) as i was exitting, i only had Divemaster in my mind. He's upstairs... i wonder if he has left. Is he all right? Does he know we need to evacuate? Is he OK? So many questions zooming past. I was THIS close to calling him to ask. I DIDNT. And so did he. He didn't call/sms me to check if I was all right. Another big chunk blunt bamboo pierced through my heart. The fact that my not-close female colleague could called, another colleague could called all the way from Indon, and he didn't! just abso-fucking-lutely tore my heart again. Heartbroken. He don't bloody care no more. He don't bloody care about me anymore, you hear me??
  2. i saw his car WPC 8308 three times this week. And for 3 times i stood there staring at his car doing nothing.
  3. Ben send me a FB message. " Hey babe, how are you? Must be busy with work. Just a casual note to check on my students :) " I replied by asking him if Divemaster has another woman, and is that why?! he dumped me. Ben didnt reply. Shit. Made bloody wrong move. He must have shown DM that message..
  4. i had a horrible dream last nite. i met Mok and he told me he saw Divemaster at the club with a girl name Serena. Serena... how on earth did that name appear? I don't know anyone by that name! Could it really be, that God is telling me that old, hag bitch is Serena? He dumped me because of Serena? Aaargh, another pierced through my heart.
I re-read & re-read his sms:
Hi babyyyyyyy! Surprise 2c ur sms. Hi princess! Miss u!!! Just got back. Washed all diving stuff, took a shower n sent kenny a courtesy email. Hehe! Good 2 know that u wont go Phil. Not worth it baby. I'll make things great 4u here. As long as we're together, I promise you happiness baby. Forever i loveeeeeeee u! :)

Because of his promise, because he said as long as we're together, because he will make things great for me...... I forgo an opportunity.

He lied. He broke his promise.

Michelle would like to tell Divemaster, please don't promise blindly. You cried when she told you about the offer. She can tell those were real tears. You said every girl you loved left you someway, somehow to pursue greater things. And that broke your heart. You ask her not to leave you because you love her with all your heart.
She loves you too, trusted you. Thats why she didnt leave.

Now you left me. You tell me, "my feelings for you has faded" and left me. How do you expect me to stop crying??? I hate you because you broke my heart. But I love you much deeper. You meant the world to me. Do you know that?

1 comment:

Chee Tat said...

the italic part very familiar. like heard it somewhere.