“Ask your guy friend – “so who’s your dream girl?” and he’s going to say, among other things – “I want her to be cute, nice and simple”.
What is a “simple girl” ?
Passing rate 75% and I got 32% (sebab tuh ke... heha)
- Michelle is def not simple -
26 June 2011
The Simple Girl Index
I came across this article in the Philippines Star, wonderfully written by DIVASORIA.PH
“Ask your guy friend – “so who’s your dream girl?” and he’s going to say, among other things – “I want her to be cute, nice and simple”.
What is a “simple girl” ?
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Passing rate 75% and I got 32% (sebab tuh ke... heha)
- Michelle is def not simple -
“Ask your guy friend – “so who’s your dream girl?” and he’s going to say, among other things – “I want her to be cute, nice and simple”.
What is a “simple girl” ?
Passing rate 75% and I got 32% (sebab tuh ke... heha)
- Michelle is def not simple -
20 June 2011
The Most Important Man
A colleague asked me last Friday, in one of our office-nights out, " So, have you meet the guy who will love you for who you are, care for you for the rest of your life & treat you like a Queen? "
" What are you talking about, KC? I found him already. He's at home right now, most probably watching some Canto drama on TV! My Dad will love me for who I am, fat or thin, rich or poor, young or old"
(KC smirked) " You gotta go out more, girl..."
Aaah. The great, big mystery on why I am still single.
But this post is not about me. It's about the man who will love me for who I am.
My earliest memories of him was when I was about 7years old. He was on shift work at that time and I clearly remember I would be sad the each time he leaves for work at night, because I knew he would not be there to tuck me to bed. As a child, I didn't know how to tell him that. I just stood at the door and watched him whizz into darkness until my tiny stature could no longer catch his view.
In the next morning, I will wake up fully covered with blanket from shoulder to toes. And he would be in the next room, sleeping, snoring away. Being the unfeminine sleeper that I am, I knew that it was he who covered my blanket. Every morning without fail, I would wake up to my blanket fully covered on me.
My next memory was when I was about 10+. It was the time my Mom & I would challenge to get his attention. At least thats how I felt, not sure about Mom. It was that period where I felt I cannot lose to Mom. I want to be his favourite girl not Mom.
Whenever Mom showed him a new skirt she bought, I would run upstairs, put on my favourite dress and parade to him hoping he will like my dress more than Mom's skirt. Whenever Mom cooked him his favourite meal, I would quickly go to the fridge and give him my favourite Vitagen, hoping he likes Vitagen more than the meal. And in each quest, I felt I reigned victory, because he would place a KitKat bar in my lunchbox the following day.
Our relationship wasn't so rosy when I grew older. You see, he was a short-tempered man. Very quickly to raise his voice at the slightest irk. Very quickly to say nasty things when he is angry.
When I grew older, I had the courage to yell back. Teenaged suppressed angst. He would raise his voice when I come home past the agreed time and I would yell back, I am old enough daddy!
However, this always results in me crying in my room immediately after. It never ends on a happy note.
*******************************************************
His hair is all grey now even his beard. He has lost his most of his bulging belly and his back is easily susceptible to sprains & twists. His skin is wrinkly and he has lost most of his teeth. Yet to me, he is still the most good looking man. Ever.
Because of him, I am the intelligent, attractive young lady I am.
His temper is still there. He still shouts & get angry. However, I don't yell back anymore. I just keep quiet, let him rant all his steam, then calmly say " You are angry right now. Calm down, it's not good for your blood pressure. I will leave you alone."
The following day, as though nothing happened, he will ask me if I want to eat yau char kwei for breakfast. He will go buy some.
There is never a day, it hurts me so much that I wished I could be at home. Just be at home. Don't get me wrong. He is very happy, enjoying his retirement years, indulging in his gardening hobby and can look after Mommy & Brother much, much better than I do.
But, I just want to be home.
******************************************************
Happy Father's Day, Daddy. Wow, you had a haircut! So leng jai already.
(Daddy smiled) "Heheh... thank you, when are you coming back, we go makan besar! "
- Although, I have not met that guy who will lift me up from Divemaster's vortex, it doesn't really matter. I have 2 boys at home who will love me for who I am, love me in sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth... -
" What are you talking about, KC? I found him already. He's at home right now, most probably watching some Canto drama on TV! My Dad will love me for who I am, fat or thin, rich or poor, young or old"
(KC smirked) " You gotta go out more, girl..."
Aaah. The great, big mystery on why I am still single.
But this post is not about me. It's about the man who will love me for who I am.
My earliest memories of him was when I was about 7years old. He was on shift work at that time and I clearly remember I would be sad the each time he leaves for work at night, because I knew he would not be there to tuck me to bed. As a child, I didn't know how to tell him that. I just stood at the door and watched him whizz into darkness until my tiny stature could no longer catch his view.
In the next morning, I will wake up fully covered with blanket from shoulder to toes. And he would be in the next room, sleeping, snoring away. Being the unfeminine sleeper that I am, I knew that it was he who covered my blanket. Every morning without fail, I would wake up to my blanket fully covered on me.
My next memory was when I was about 10+. It was the time my Mom & I would challenge to get his attention. At least thats how I felt, not sure about Mom. It was that period where I felt I cannot lose to Mom. I want to be his favourite girl not Mom.
Whenever Mom showed him a new skirt she bought, I would run upstairs, put on my favourite dress and parade to him hoping he will like my dress more than Mom's skirt. Whenever Mom cooked him his favourite meal, I would quickly go to the fridge and give him my favourite Vitagen, hoping he likes Vitagen more than the meal. And in each quest, I felt I reigned victory, because he would place a KitKat bar in my lunchbox the following day.
Our relationship wasn't so rosy when I grew older. You see, he was a short-tempered man. Very quickly to raise his voice at the slightest irk. Very quickly to say nasty things when he is angry.
When I grew older, I had the courage to yell back. Teenaged suppressed angst. He would raise his voice when I come home past the agreed time and I would yell back, I am old enough daddy!
However, this always results in me crying in my room immediately after. It never ends on a happy note.
*******************************************************
His hair is all grey now even his beard. He has lost his most of his bulging belly and his back is easily susceptible to sprains & twists. His skin is wrinkly and he has lost most of his teeth. Yet to me, he is still the most good looking man. Ever.
Because of him, I am the intelligent, attractive young lady I am.
His temper is still there. He still shouts & get angry. However, I don't yell back anymore. I just keep quiet, let him rant all his steam, then calmly say " You are angry right now. Calm down, it's not good for your blood pressure. I will leave you alone."
The following day, as though nothing happened, he will ask me if I want to eat yau char kwei for breakfast. He will go buy some.
There is never a day, it hurts me so much that I wished I could be at home. Just be at home. Don't get me wrong. He is very happy, enjoying his retirement years, indulging in his gardening hobby and can look after Mommy & Brother much, much better than I do.
But, I just want to be home.
******************************************************
Happy Father's Day, Daddy. Wow, you had a haircut! So leng jai already.
(Daddy smiled) "Heheh... thank you, when are you coming back, we go makan besar! "
- Although, I have not met that guy who will lift me up from Divemaster's vortex, it doesn't really matter. I have 2 boys at home who will love me for who I am, love me in sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth... -
28 February 2011
JJK - the not so part II *
Jimmy. The gorgeous manager I totally stopped breathing for. Yes. He is here. He was supposed to come in to office tomorrow. I was prepared to lose my senses second time.
453pm. Received email, meeting venue changed.
What?
Why??
Why can't I have just that little piece of happiness, shaking his hand & saying hi?
Why won't happiness come find me?
453pm. Received email, meeting venue changed.
What?
Why??
Why can't I have just that little piece of happiness, shaking his hand & saying hi?
Why won't happiness come find me?
19 February 2011
JJK
I came down the stairs on a lookout. Vaguely, I know how he is supposed to look like. All from my incessant prying from his FB.
I saw a pretty boy's side view. I know its him. He heard me coming down. My famous "plik plak" footsteps. I pretended not to see him - the naive act all girls use.
He rose up and approached me. Wow, how tall he is. Shook hands, then talk. He was talking about timelines and factories. I looked into his eyes. Body language 101 - art of communication.
I stopped. Staring at his eyes for more than 3 secs gives me goosebumps.
He is DAMN gorgeous. OK, switch. Look at the sofa. He talked some more. About colors & lacquers. I can't seem to focus.
Introduced him to my colleagues. I was distracted with the big orange beads he wore on his left hand. Religious is he?
After about 30mins or so, its a wrap up. He shook my hand, "nice meeting you Michelle". I replied hope to see you soon again. I went back to my meeting, heart skipping a beat, still unable to focus. I was actually smiling from inside out.
*************************************
I walked into the room headed straight for the soup pot. What soup are they serving today? Turned my attention to my cool Jap colleague and there he was. Sitting at the corner.
He stood up offered me his chair. I politely decline, mind went fuzzy again. "try the soup, it nice", said he. OK, I smiled. I didn't like the soup. Tasted like diluted ketchup. He left the room to put his dirty plate. I lingered, trying to focus on my fried chicken instead of his handsome face. He came back in and signalled me out. "Michelle, i need to ask you about PO issuance".
I told him the formal stuff, then he asked me if I went anywhere. He suggested I go to Sutos. Then he mentioned that he lived nearby and some mudslide caved in some highway. Throughout, he was standing centimeters away from me, arms resting on the table, head lowered, as if he wants to speak to me on the same level. So close. This time I succeeded more than 3 sec. 15sec max. I had to divert and look at my fried chicken. Another wrap up, he shook my hand and I said goodbye. Again.
A total of 4 handshakes
*************************************
Jimmy, you're seriously one hell good-looking manager. More like a living, breathing hunk. I syiok you gila-gila.
-- but your ring on your finger will keep all these purely in my fantasies.
I saw a pretty boy's side view. I know its him. He heard me coming down. My famous "plik plak" footsteps. I pretended not to see him - the naive act all girls use.
He rose up and approached me. Wow, how tall he is. Shook hands, then talk. He was talking about timelines and factories. I looked into his eyes. Body language 101 - art of communication.
I stopped. Staring at his eyes for more than 3 secs gives me goosebumps.
He is DAMN gorgeous. OK, switch. Look at the sofa. He talked some more. About colors & lacquers. I can't seem to focus.
Introduced him to my colleagues. I was distracted with the big orange beads he wore on his left hand. Religious is he?
After about 30mins or so, its a wrap up. He shook my hand, "nice meeting you Michelle". I replied hope to see you soon again. I went back to my meeting, heart skipping a beat, still unable to focus. I was actually smiling from inside out.
*************************************
I walked into the room headed straight for the soup pot. What soup are they serving today? Turned my attention to my cool Jap colleague and there he was. Sitting at the corner.
He stood up offered me his chair. I politely decline, mind went fuzzy again. "try the soup, it nice", said he. OK, I smiled. I didn't like the soup. Tasted like diluted ketchup. He left the room to put his dirty plate. I lingered, trying to focus on my fried chicken instead of his handsome face. He came back in and signalled me out. "Michelle, i need to ask you about PO issuance".
I told him the formal stuff, then he asked me if I went anywhere. He suggested I go to Sutos. Then he mentioned that he lived nearby and some mudslide caved in some highway. Throughout, he was standing centimeters away from me, arms resting on the table, head lowered, as if he wants to speak to me on the same level. So close. This time I succeeded more than 3 sec. 15sec max. I had to divert and look at my fried chicken. Another wrap up, he shook my hand and I said goodbye. Again.
A total of 4 handshakes
*************************************
Jimmy, you're seriously one hell good-looking manager. More like a living, breathing hunk. I syiok you gila-gila.
-- but your ring on your finger will keep all these purely in my fantasies.
31 December 2010
What Do You Remember about 2010?
Reubs asked me this a couple of days ago. "2010 was nice to me. I got a niece, I got a new job, I went to Bali, yeah, it was nice..."
Back to me. What do I remember about 2010?
5 points. Thats all I remember. And 2/5 concerns Divemaster. Not bad in pursuit of recovery?
I came to realization that Kubler Ross 5-stage model isn't really foolproof. I will never reach Level5 (Acceptance) and I realize I will never forget Divemaster. The wounds will never heal. Through time, what is actually happening, I begin to think less of him. Less staring at his pictures, less replaying the wonderful memories, less pretending he's coming back. Lesser and lesser.
That's what I've become. Lesser and lesser of him, More and more of family. Mom, Dad, the spoilt Bro will be the pillars of strength. Every morning, I wake up, I brush my hair, I see their strength inked on my shoulder.
Goodbye 2010, it wasn't such a great year, but it wasn't that bad either. No complains from moi. Hope I'll get to meet some decent-looking guys in 2011 because I'm getting tired of not having anyone to go to movies with!
Back to me. What do I remember about 2010?
- I went to live & work abroad, thats major
- I celebrated my first year break-up by sending an uber, long sensitive email to Divemaster which up till today, I didn't get no reply
- I got a few nice tatts, all in hope to forget Divemaster
- I went to Boracay, where the sand is so fluffy I could die
- I read 'Tuesday's with Morrie' and am enlightened to cherish what truly matters in life
5 points. Thats all I remember. And 2/5 concerns Divemaster. Not bad in pursuit of recovery?
I came to realization that Kubler Ross 5-stage model isn't really foolproof. I will never reach Level5 (Acceptance) and I realize I will never forget Divemaster. The wounds will never heal. Through time, what is actually happening, I begin to think less of him. Less staring at his pictures, less replaying the wonderful memories, less pretending he's coming back. Lesser and lesser.
That's what I've become. Lesser and lesser of him, More and more of family. Mom, Dad, the spoilt Bro will be the pillars of strength. Every morning, I wake up, I brush my hair, I see their strength inked on my shoulder.
Goodbye 2010, it wasn't such a great year, but it wasn't that bad either. No complains from moi. Hope I'll get to meet some decent-looking guys in 2011 because I'm getting tired of not having anyone to go to movies with!
07 November 2010
19 September 2010
Is Man-liness dead?
i made an observation
guys from this part of the world are wussies. sissys. nimpsies. every nice-looking guy i see will be clutching a girl's hand - tall, short, plump, thin, pimply, old, young, smooth, mole-y, naive, slutty, loud, timid, dumb, dumber - girls from the whole spectrum
and i see big, beefy guys clutching tiny ugly-looking handbags while their dumb gfs swing their butts like golf sticks.
sissys. are there no real men here ?
disappointing. i miss my Divemaster, he will show them what a "man" is
Michelle will just adopt a dog -
guys from this part of the world are wussies. sissys. nimpsies. every nice-looking guy i see will be clutching a girl's hand - tall, short, plump, thin, pimply, old, young, smooth, mole-y, naive, slutty, loud, timid, dumb, dumber - girls from the whole spectrum
and i see big, beefy guys clutching tiny ugly-looking handbags while their dumb gfs swing their butts like golf sticks.
sissys. are there no real men here ?
disappointing. i miss my Divemaster, he will show them what a "man" is
Michelle will just adopt a dog -
15 September 2010
michelle joins, Tuesdays with Morrie
"Learn how to die, and you learn how to live"
So true, so profound ...
Enlightened is me -
So true, so profound ...
Enlightened is me -
23 August 2010
Being Happy on your own
" to be dependant on someone's love or happiness is never healthy "
in order to achieve happiness within me - solely by me, i want to:
in order to achieve happiness within me - solely by me, i want to:
- learn how to cook
- travel the world, eat exotic foods, observe strange culture
- photo-document my travels
- emphasize more on how i look, just so i feel confident looking in the mirror
- more reading, less TV
- constantly express love to mom, dad & brother that they're everything to me
- have the courage one day to delete Divemaster's picture from my phone
14 August 2010
Cravings of Banana Leaf & Mango Lassi
It's one of those nights when I'm sentimental again.
FB is a door to emo-michelle. And I never seem to learn, for I always am somehow lead back to that evil door, opening tonnes of depressing memories.
Browsed through lovey-dovey, cutesy pictures of Von & his model gf. We double-date quite a bit and Divemaster used to say Von is just fooling around. Baah!
Look who's fooling around? Von just went on a hot vacation @Nusa Dua and Divemaster left me a year ago. You see? You see the things I put myself into?
Now I'm all emo, sitting alone in my room, polluting my lungs, wishing I was back in Nov. Gaah.
I need a diversion. Something to distract me.
Michelle misses her first date at Vishal -
FB is a door to emo-michelle. And I never seem to learn, for I always am somehow lead back to that evil door, opening tonnes of depressing memories.
Browsed through lovey-dovey, cutesy pictures of Von & his model gf. We double-date quite a bit and Divemaster used to say Von is just fooling around. Baah!
Look who's fooling around? Von just went on a hot vacation @Nusa Dua and Divemaster left me a year ago. You see? You see the things I put myself into?
Now I'm all emo, sitting alone in my room, polluting my lungs, wishing I was back in Nov. Gaah.
I need a diversion. Something to distract me.
Michelle misses her first date at Vishal -
11 July 2010
Selamat Harijadi Michelle
I am 27 today, wow... 27. I am getting old. I didn't want this day to come, let it be, let it slide, as normal as Thursdays can be. Thoughts of yesteryears creep in as 8th July approaches. I told no one, but I was supposed to be at Rainforest Music Festival,Swak this year. Supposed to be my birthday gift.
All I wanted for my birthday is to see Divemaster in flesh.
Dear Blog,
It's coming up to a year now - since Divemaster left. You will think I'm getting better, wouldn't you? I tell myself that too sometimes. I can say I'm no longer that wreck of shit last year, who hides in a corner and cry till my eye veins pop.
Yet I still keep his picture in my phone, occasionally whips out to look at it whenever I see something that reminds me of him. Just the other day, I saw a banner that says "Dive Now, Work Later". It was his motto, something which he always tells me. And there I was staring at my phone forever.
I can't let go. I'm stucked and I can't climb out.
How long is it going to take? 2yrs? 5 yrs? Baah..I'm gonna be a wrinkled spinster !
A first birthday in the Philippines was nice. The office threw me a surprise party (I was really caught surprise!) with 2cakes, pizza & ice cream. Everyone treated me super awfully nice. Everyone wanted to hug me even my giant Brazilian director, "Birthday Girl! C'mere and give me a hug! Happy Birthday u!". Walter called me all the way from Indonesia. Woah. How's that?
Once a year - Obligation.
At the end of the night, after a few mango shakes & stinging pain from my latest inked!, I went to bed with a hope, "I wish my Divemaster was here"
My only consolation was Divemaster dropped a birthday greeting on FB. At least he remembers,
All I wanted for my birthday is to see Divemaster in flesh.
Dear Blog,
It's coming up to a year now - since Divemaster left. You will think I'm getting better, wouldn't you? I tell myself that too sometimes. I can say I'm no longer that wreck of shit last year, who hides in a corner and cry till my eye veins pop.
Yet I still keep his picture in my phone, occasionally whips out to look at it whenever I see something that reminds me of him. Just the other day, I saw a banner that says "Dive Now, Work Later". It was his motto, something which he always tells me. And there I was staring at my phone forever.
I can't let go. I'm stucked and I can't climb out.
How long is it going to take? 2yrs? 5 yrs? Baah..I'm gonna be a wrinkled spinster !
A first birthday in the Philippines was nice. The office threw me a surprise party (I was really caught surprise!) with 2cakes, pizza & ice cream. Everyone treated me super awfully nice. Everyone wanted to hug me even my giant Brazilian director, "Birthday Girl! C'mere and give me a hug! Happy Birthday u!". Walter called me all the way from Indonesia. Woah. How's that?
Once a year - Obligation.
At the end of the night, after a few mango shakes & stinging pain from my latest inked!, I went to bed with a hope, "I wish my Divemaster was here"
My only consolation was Divemaster dropped a birthday greeting on FB. At least he remembers,
26 February 2010
Divemaster becoming fulltime
dear blog,
i heard my Divemaster tendered his resignation today. no, he did not tell me. i heard it from a friend through a colleague through a friend.
i am sad.
it's just not me who's avoiding him. it works both ways, he is too. with him leaving PM, this means i will no longer see him. not even his car not even his desk. he will soon vanish in a poof! lose all trace of sentimental memories that tie to him. he's leaving, michelle.
he finally took the bold step. i am guessing he decided to become Divemaster/Underwaterphotographer full time, a dream he told me numerous times when we were together. or he could get married to that lawyer bitch of his and settle down in an island. well, i hope not....
according to Kübler-Ross model, people deal with these 5 stages when faced with tragedy or grief :
i thought i'll build up courage, walk up to him and say goodbye when i leave (the least i could do...) but it doesn't matter anymore. he's leaving sooner than i am. and he didn't have the thought to tell me...
i heard my Divemaster tendered his resignation today. no, he did not tell me. i heard it from a friend through a colleague through a friend.
i am sad.
it's just not me who's avoiding him. it works both ways, he is too. with him leaving PM, this means i will no longer see him. not even his car not even his desk. he will soon vanish in a poof! lose all trace of sentimental memories that tie to him. he's leaving, michelle.
he finally took the bold step. i am guessing he decided to become Divemaster/Underwaterphotographer full time, a dream he told me numerous times when we were together. or he could get married to that lawyer bitch of his and settle down in an island. well, i hope not....
according to Kübler-Ross model, people deal with these 5 stages when faced with tragedy or grief :
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
i thought i'll build up courage, walk up to him and say goodbye when i leave (the least i could do...) but it doesn't matter anymore. he's leaving sooner than i am. and he didn't have the thought to tell me...
21 February 2010
Stepping into Tiger Year
Tiger New Year 2010 came and gone in a whizz. I had a fabulous time, never reminiscing of Divemaster even once. I ate hard, slept hard, watch tv hard & repeat this whole vicious cycle hard! In a week, I gained back whatever depressive weight I lost during my depression days and plus 15kilograms. They're calling me a penguin now. happy feet...
All of a sudden, my heart feels heavy. Like all of a sudden. I'm sending my bro off tomorrow and till I see him again in what... Dec? All of a sudden, I feel this heavy pang leaving Dad. Seeing him waved goodbye at the door flashes through in my head, with his out-of-bed hair. All of sudden, I miss Mom. I want to record the sight of her waiting at the door the each time my car pulls into the driveway.
All of a sudden I feel scared. I don't want to leave anymore. I don't want to be alone. I don't want it anymore. I want to pull out.
I fake to everyone my positivity & excitement. I told them, it's good for me! A change of environment will be good for me. I need to let go of Divemaster.
Now I am scared. It's hitting me.
Shit, I need to talk to someone. Someone level-headed. Knock some positivity & excitement back into my emotionally messed-up head.
p/s: Xweing, thks 4yer good wishes. I hope tis yr will be a good yr for us all.
Michelle thinks, " you better not let Mom catch you tearing. how is she gonna let you go with a peace of mind? you sensitive emotional idiot! "
All of a sudden, my heart feels heavy. Like all of a sudden. I'm sending my bro off tomorrow and till I see him again in what... Dec? All of a sudden, I feel this heavy pang leaving Dad. Seeing him waved goodbye at the door flashes through in my head, with his out-of-bed hair. All of sudden, I miss Mom. I want to record the sight of her waiting at the door the each time my car pulls into the driveway.
All of a sudden I feel scared. I don't want to leave anymore. I don't want to be alone. I don't want it anymore. I want to pull out.
I fake to everyone my positivity & excitement. I told them, it's good for me! A change of environment will be good for me. I need to let go of Divemaster.
Now I am scared. It's hitting me.
Shit, I need to talk to someone. Someone level-headed. Knock some positivity & excitement back into my emotionally messed-up head.
p/s: Xweing, thks 4yer good wishes. I hope tis yr will be a good yr for us all.
Michelle thinks, " you better not let Mom catch you tearing. how is she gonna let you go with a peace of mind? you sensitive emotional idiot! "
08 February 2010
Happy 30-something Birthday Divemaster
Last Friday was my DM's birthday. An Aquarius baby. Google says - Being steady in one relationship is not an Aquarian's cup of tea. There is always so much to discover, how can he remain tied to a few people only. Shit...why didn't I google him up earlier?
Last year I scoured the internet for weeks, finally found a hidden cupcake gem in Seapark and gave her specific details on how I want the birthday cake to be. The masterpiece below welled up tears in his eyes. Even I, myself was amazed how beautiful they turn out.
Michelle did not want to think much on that day. But fate has it, her hp beeps a reminder: Divemaster's Birthday. Dang!
Last year I scoured the internet for weeks, finally found a hidden cupcake gem in Seapark and gave her specific details on how I want the birthday cake to be. The masterpiece below welled up tears in his eyes. Even I, myself was amazed how beautiful they turn out.
Michelle did not want to think much on that day. But fate has it, her hp beeps a reminder: Divemaster's Birthday. Dang!
31 January 2010
Weekender - 30th Jan
My Divemaster is on the front page of Weekender today, in his cool shades. I saw it once, I saw it twice. Yes, it's my Divemaster in his classic uber-cool Oakley shot @sipadan.
I told Mommy about it, she said,
so? what has that got to do with u? u still want to see him??
(silence....)
Blank look and I kept quiet.
fuvk it man, why does he get so many publicity shots in the Star? and he still looks so darn good-looking! Michelle secretly drools here ... http://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/1/30/lifefocus/5551663&sec=lifefocus
I told Mommy about it, she said,
so? what has that got to do with u? u still want to see him??
(silence....)
Blank look and I kept quiet.
fuvk it man, why does he get so many publicity shots in the Star? and he still looks so darn good-looking! Michelle secretly drools here ... http://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/1/30/lifefocus/5551663&sec=lifefocus
25 January 2010
Hard to Say Goodbye
Do you ever get that heart tug, tummy queasy feeling the each time you say goodbye?
I do. The each time Daddy sees me off as I stepped into a taxi heading to KLIA. I know it's only gonna be a few days - but somehow I always get that jittery uneasiness. Looking out from the window, seeing my aged dad with his out-of-bed hair waving goodbye at the door, it's so hard for me to say goodbye.
Could it be my uber-sentimental Cancerian trait?
Mom came up and said, "you take care ah..."
I looked up and replied, "errr... yes I will. you two enjoy yourselves"
*jittery uneasy tummy queasy feeling
They're coming back in a few days, Michelle.
Michelle can't even bear to think coming March. How does she say goodbye knowing this trip won't just take a few days? Shit...she's gonna cry shit loads at the airport
I do. The each time Daddy sees me off as I stepped into a taxi heading to KLIA. I know it's only gonna be a few days - but somehow I always get that jittery uneasiness. Looking out from the window, seeing my aged dad with his out-of-bed hair waving goodbye at the door, it's so hard for me to say goodbye.
Could it be my uber-sentimental Cancerian trait?
Mom came up and said, "you take care ah..."
I looked up and replied, "errr... yes I will. you two enjoy yourselves"
*jittery uneasy tummy queasy feeling
They're coming back in a few days, Michelle.
Michelle can't even bear to think coming March. How does she say goodbye knowing this trip won't just take a few days? Shit...she's gonna cry shit loads at the airport
01 January 2010
The Year That Was, 2009
2009, the year that was. A mixture of emotions - laughter, joy, anger, hatred, sadness, betrayal and depression.
The year started out good, she had a chance in a lifetime to go see real snow!12hrs on board KLM and 2hrs on board TGV was worth every second. Walking down the cold, wet streets of Lausanne in search of lunch, brought her realism that the world is huge. The world does not revolve around Zouk & 1 Utama only. Watching blonde hair girls in fancy winter jackets and aged men sipping coffee in a thermostat warm cafes, showed her what a beautiful world God has created.
She also accomplished her childhood dream of becoming a diver! What better way than to get certified in Mabul, one of Malaysia's most beautiful islands. Coincidentally, her course coincided with Valentine's day; a V-day she will remember for the rest of her life. Twinkling stars, cool sea breeze, rhythmic waves... what more a girl could ask for. She was indeed happy. A pure, sincerest form of joy.
A few overseas trip followed, though it didn't matter where... it was more about who. Many happy days were shared, times when she WAS his princess. Falling in love is such a strange phenomena; you act giddy & foolish, sometimes irrational not giving a shit on what's happening and all you want, is just be together. On Sunday mornings, he will snug up and say, "Beee, wake up... what do you feel like eating today?" "Pork noodles!", she'll yelled
Did anyone tell you all form of joy is temporary? No one told her, she learned it the hard way. Most painfully was the day at the airport, when she watched him turned his back and walked away from her. She knew at the back of her mind, she has lost him. He won't be coming back.
Alas, she survived the teary journey cab back home. Many more heart wrenching days followed, though she is still getting through the i-miss-him-so-much moments, time will help. It's coming in to the 4th month now, does anyone think she's getting better? chee tat?
Michelle wishes Happy New Year and hope 2010 will be a better year for her, her loved ones, her caring friends and for her Divemaster. Let's hope things won't work out with that bitch and he'll regret so badly he left Michelle
20 December 2009
What Xmas '09 ?
5 more days till Xmas. Many of my colleagues have gone home - some ran to a beach with the kids, some gone back to the in-laws to have their annual get-together, some flew 1000km to sardine themselves at a posh nightspot and then, there are some... some who prefers to hide in her room accompanied by her virtual fishes from Fishville. Someone like moi...
Michelle hopes mom will cook something nice for Xmas... perhaps bak kut teh might soothe my soul
12 December 2009
Lunch & Learn with Walter
Walter: you can cry, you can sulk, you can be bitter all you want. but after sometime, you just have to let go and move on. far better things will come to you, bigger, greater - you just have to be patient. you create your own happiness, happiness don't just come to you ... (then he winks his eye at me)
Taufik: michelle....who ever the man gonna marry you, is very lucky. yes, shure. you're cute, smart...that man is gonna be so damn lucky.
08 December 2009
i saw my Divemaster part2!
A few days ago, i saw my Divemaster's car. Today i saw him in flesh - all 1.8m of him, in my fav pink striped shirt with his Adidas black sneakers. He came down to my floor to pass me a hat.
"Hey... (chuck a hat to my hand)"
And he left.
2mins. No... 30sec. I see him in flesh, in person for 30sec. I've last seen him in flesh since that medical exam day. Today i saw my Divemaster again. Same after effects. Moody, irrational, hid in the toilet, shortness of breath, giddy. i couldn't fuckin get a hang of myself. i was slurring to my boss when he ask me about blanks layout.
called uncle, told him i saw Divemaster in flesh, and he replied, "so? woman! get a grip!"
Michelle is getting better. Or she hopes so. At least, when she hid in the toilet, she did not cry. Just immensely gazillion heartache.
"Hey... (chuck a hat to my hand)"
And he left.
2mins. No... 30sec. I see him in flesh, in person for 30sec. I've last seen him in flesh since that medical exam day. Today i saw my Divemaster again. Same after effects. Moody, irrational, hid in the toilet, shortness of breath, giddy. i couldn't fuckin get a hang of myself. i was slurring to my boss when he ask me about blanks layout.
called uncle, told him i saw Divemaster in flesh, and he replied, "so? woman! get a grip!"
Michelle is getting better. Or she hopes so. At least, when she hid in the toilet, she did not cry. Just immensely gazillion heartache.
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